Excuses Come By The Churchful
Adapted from Ann Landers (March 12, 1978)

To make it possible for everyone to attend church, we are going to make some special arrangements:

  • A cot will be placed in the auditorium for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."
  • Eyedrops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching television too late on Saturday night.
  • We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I showed up in church."
  • Blankets will be furnished for people who think the church is too cold and fans for those who think the church is
    too hot.
  • We will have hearing aids for persons who say the preacher speaks too softly and cotton for those who think he
    speaks too loudly.
  • Scoreboards will be placed in the pew racks for those who enjoy listing the hypocritical present.
  • One hundred TV dinners will be on hand for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
  • A putting green is being contructed near the podium for those who say, Sunday is my golfing day."
  • Finally, the auditorium will be decorated with Christmas poinsettias and Easter lillies for those who never see the
    church without them.

--  Anonymous

Hebrews 10:24-27  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  (25)  Not forsaking
the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the
more, as ye see the day approaching.  (26)  For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of
the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,  (27)  But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and
fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
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